Funny Dating Quotes to get you in the mood for a hot dude. Or dudess. These will put you in the right frame for the night game. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.
Dating Quotes
Group 1
Take common tech terms and turn them into ultimate funny ice breakers for online dating your match will never forget. Related Articles. 50 Online Dating Quotes for Ice-Breakers and Laughs; 21 Best (Original) Opening Lines for Online Dating; Funniest Dating Sites and Apps. I used to make fun of people who used online dating sites, but I'm trying one out for the first time. It's called OKHubris. You can't trust anyone you meet in online dating. Just last week I went on a date with a girl and stole $300 from her. As an 11 year old girl, I find online dating really frustrating. 17 Funny Dating Profiles That Are Hilarious (and Maybe Genius) By Alex Bocknek Last updated on March 7, 2019 May 31, 2021.
I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren't many job interviews where you'll wind up naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld
Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
- Susan Healy
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 2
On a date I wonder if there's going to be any sex. And if I'm going to be involved.
- Garry Shandling
I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks
My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
- Sarah Silverman
I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked at me and said, 'I could kill you in seven seconds.' I go, 'I'll just have toast then.'
- Margaret Smith
I asked this one girl out and she said, 'You got a friend?' I said yes. She said, 'Then go out with him.'
- Don Irreva
I dated a hypnotist once. She was the hottest, smartest, skinniest, funniest, kindest, most glamorous and sophisticated woman I've ever met.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 3
My father always said, 'Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.' So on our first date I'd nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
- Kris McGaha
I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn't think she'd actually demand to see the bat cave.
- Alex Reed
I know a guy who breaks up with women all the time. He calls it 'going home in the morning.'
- (Unknown Author)
I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...
- MF FairyPrincessSmoo @Smooheed
You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.
- Angie Davis @Adar79Angie
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 4
The best part about speed dating is having 8-10 new guys to drink with, and none of them are keeping track of how many drinks you've had.
- Miss Moneypenny @MoneypennyNaked
My boyfriend does this cute thing where he files for a restraining order.
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
Date: [looking at menu] Want to share anything?
Me: Oh. I made out with your brother once....God that feels good to get off my chest. You?
- Amanda Hugnkiss @caliluvgirl77
Guy: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen.
Girl: You just want to have sex with me.
Guy: Wow, you're smart too, I like that.
- Your Mom @HorribleDancer
My girlfriend said I was too controlling, and it wasn't her turn to speak.
- C'est la vie @Robert_Beau
10 Funny Dating Websites
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 5
An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
- Kelkulus @kelkulus
Hi mom and dad, meet my new boyfriend, Netflix
- Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
[determined not to have any awkward silence during date]
'So, what's your favorite part of a banana?'
- Brent @murrman5
Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
- Kevin O'Neill @KevinBuffalo
I just cancelled a date for tonight & told the dude I was sprayed by a skunk. Who would make that up? Me. I would make that up.
- Kate @Juststopkate
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 6
Dating is where you pretend you're someone you're not to impress someone you don't know.
- Melanie White
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams
Kissing is our greatest invention. On the list of great inventions, it ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; higher, even, than room service.
- Tom Robbins
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman
The main lesson I took from Lady and the Tramp is that dating below your station might result in someone who can get you free spaghetti.
- MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0
One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think 'That's her, she's the one.'
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
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Although dating apps allow you to swipe from the comfort of your own home, striking up a conversation with a new cutie means stepping out of your comfort zone. No matter how confident you are, it's not always easy to nail the perfect first message. So, knowing a couple of funny dating app conversation starters can be a great way to break the ice — and melt the tension.
Claudia Cox, relationship coach and founder of Text Weapon, says that opening with a compliment can sometimes come off as superficial. 'Even if they are drop-dead gorgeous, go deeper,' Cox tells Bustle. 'Start a conversation based on things that you are both interested in. Begin with a common topic and then transition into other things.'
If your new match has a picture of them at your favorite brewery or their dog looks just like yours, making that connection can be the perfect way to start a conversation. And if you're trying to make them smile (and want to show off how witty you are,) shooting off a funny opening line may make the sparks really start to fly.
Here are 60 silly lines to break the ice on a dating app.
App-centric Openers
1. I know that everyone talks about this on dating apps, but if loving 'The Office' is wrong, then I don't want to be Dwight.
2. So, come here often?
3. You know, I've been waiting for you to message me, but I guess I'll take one for the team.
4. Do you believe in love at first swipe, or should we unmatch and then match again?
5. Obviously, we'd meet on an app — because you're a total snack.
6. Does swiping through this dating app count as 'exercise'?
7. Do you need me to call the fire department? I met your phone is full of matches.
8. Who's the person in your first photo? My grandmother was asking.
9. That dog looks so cute, can you give them my number?
10. We can say we met on Spotify because you're the hottest new single.
11. Glad we matched when we did, my thumb was getting tired!
12. Two wrongs don't make right, but two rights make a perfect match.
13. Some people think with their hearts, some with their heads, but I'm glad we both think with our thumbs.
14. Hmm, I think your first message to me must have gotten lost in cyberspace... It's OK. I'll send you one.
15. If you had to describe my profile in three words, what would you choose? And why would they be iconic, perfect, and flawless?
Silly Ice Breakers
16. Why do bartenders use blenders? To break the ice.
17. Going to Trader Joe's, do you need anything?
18. Are you more afraid of spiders or saying, 'You too!' when a server says, 'Enjoy!'?
19. So, do you have any good pickup lines?
20. People always say they want to be the person their pet thinks they are, but my pet knows that all I do is watch bad TV in my pajamas and eat cereal for every meal.
21. My mom just asked me what 'WAP' meant… any advice on how to navigate that conversation?
22. Using only emojis, can you explain to me your first time paying taxes?
23. What's your least favorite pasta shape?
24. If your mom were a shoe, what kind of shoe would she be?
25. If Napoleon Dynamite and Joe Exotic started a band, what would it be called? Liger King.
26. What kind of kitchen appliance you? Don't say blender. Everybody says blender.
27. Should I start this conversation with a bad pickup line or by just saying hello?
28. Do you also still think about all the embarrassing things you said in middle school, or are you a well-adjusted adult?
29. Big. Gigantic. Enormous. Huge... I never liked small talk.
30. If you wrote a memoir, what would the title be? Mine would be 'Overthinking Opening Messages.'
Punny Pickups
31. Where did the f*ckboy go to college? U Up.
32. I don't want to flood your inbox, but dam — you look good.
33. I don't like dried fruits, but I'd meet you for a date.
34. I'd love to grab margs sometime and taco ‘bout our feelings.
35. Are you a library book? Because I'd like to check you out.
36. Are you a barista? Because I like you a latte.
37. So hoppy you matched me back, I couldn't wheat to talk to you.
38. Hopefully, this app will lead to a great meal.
39. What do you call a row of trucks? A pickup line.
40. Are you familiar with the work of Claude Monet? Because you make quite the impression.
41. I'm trying to think of a Postmates pickup line, but I need some help with the delivery.
42. They must call you Earl Grey because you're such a hot tea.
43. I know it's cheesy, but matching with you is too Gouda to be true.
44. Trying to think of a fruit or vegetable joke, but I can't produce much under pressure.
45. Water you doing later? Want to get drinks?
Straight Forward
46. I think you're super cute and funny. That's it. That's the tweet.
47. 'Broad City'! (I've been thinking of something funny to say for an hour.)
48. Hooking up is cool, but have you ever matched with someone on a dating app and had them send a really good first message?
49. I always remember my reusable bags at the supermarket, which has to merit a response.
50. What's a nice person like you doing in a place like this?
51. Let's cut to the chase, do you share food on a first date?
52. You didn't 'Super Like' me, but it's OK, I'll take your number as an apology.
53. I'm not great at starting conversations, do you want to try?
54. How about I'll start this conversation, and you can start the next one?
55. Is our anniversary when we first matched or when we first messaged?
56. Aww, you're so considerate to let me start this conversation.
Although dating apps allow you to swipe from the comfort of your own home, striking up a conversation with a new cutie means stepping out of your comfort zone. No matter how confident you are, it's not always easy to nail the perfect first message. So, knowing a couple of funny dating app conversation starters can be a great way to break the ice — and melt the tension.
Claudia Cox, relationship coach and founder of Text Weapon, says that opening with a compliment can sometimes come off as superficial. 'Even if they are drop-dead gorgeous, go deeper,' Cox tells Bustle. 'Start a conversation based on things that you are both interested in. Begin with a common topic and then transition into other things.'
If your new match has a picture of them at your favorite brewery or their dog looks just like yours, making that connection can be the perfect way to start a conversation. And if you're trying to make them smile (and want to show off how witty you are,) shooting off a funny opening line may make the sparks really start to fly.
Here are 60 silly lines to break the ice on a dating app.
App-centric Openers
1. I know that everyone talks about this on dating apps, but if loving 'The Office' is wrong, then I don't want to be Dwight.
2. So, come here often?
3. You know, I've been waiting for you to message me, but I guess I'll take one for the team.
4. Do you believe in love at first swipe, or should we unmatch and then match again?
5. Obviously, we'd meet on an app — because you're a total snack.
6. Does swiping through this dating app count as 'exercise'?
7. Do you need me to call the fire department? I met your phone is full of matches.
8. Who's the person in your first photo? My grandmother was asking.
9. That dog looks so cute, can you give them my number?
10. We can say we met on Spotify because you're the hottest new single.
11. Glad we matched when we did, my thumb was getting tired!
12. Two wrongs don't make right, but two rights make a perfect match.
13. Some people think with their hearts, some with their heads, but I'm glad we both think with our thumbs.
14. Hmm, I think your first message to me must have gotten lost in cyberspace... It's OK. I'll send you one.
15. If you had to describe my profile in three words, what would you choose? And why would they be iconic, perfect, and flawless?
Silly Ice Breakers
16. Why do bartenders use blenders? To break the ice.
17. Going to Trader Joe's, do you need anything?
18. Are you more afraid of spiders or saying, 'You too!' when a server says, 'Enjoy!'?
19. So, do you have any good pickup lines?
20. People always say they want to be the person their pet thinks they are, but my pet knows that all I do is watch bad TV in my pajamas and eat cereal for every meal.
21. My mom just asked me what 'WAP' meant… any advice on how to navigate that conversation?
22. Using only emojis, can you explain to me your first time paying taxes?
23. What's your least favorite pasta shape?
24. If your mom were a shoe, what kind of shoe would she be?
25. If Napoleon Dynamite and Joe Exotic started a band, what would it be called? Liger King.
26. What kind of kitchen appliance you? Don't say blender. Everybody says blender.
27. Should I start this conversation with a bad pickup line or by just saying hello?
28. Do you also still think about all the embarrassing things you said in middle school, or are you a well-adjusted adult?
29. Big. Gigantic. Enormous. Huge... I never liked small talk.
30. If you wrote a memoir, what would the title be? Mine would be 'Overthinking Opening Messages.'
Punny Pickups
31. Where did the f*ckboy go to college? U Up.
32. I don't want to flood your inbox, but dam — you look good.
33. I don't like dried fruits, but I'd meet you for a date.
34. I'd love to grab margs sometime and taco ‘bout our feelings.
35. Are you a library book? Because I'd like to check you out.
36. Are you a barista? Because I like you a latte.
37. So hoppy you matched me back, I couldn't wheat to talk to you.
38. Hopefully, this app will lead to a great meal.
39. What do you call a row of trucks? A pickup line.
40. Are you familiar with the work of Claude Monet? Because you make quite the impression.
41. I'm trying to think of a Postmates pickup line, but I need some help with the delivery.
42. They must call you Earl Grey because you're such a hot tea.
43. I know it's cheesy, but matching with you is too Gouda to be true.
44. Trying to think of a fruit or vegetable joke, but I can't produce much under pressure.
45. Water you doing later? Want to get drinks?
Straight Forward
46. I think you're super cute and funny. That's it. That's the tweet.
47. 'Broad City'! (I've been thinking of something funny to say for an hour.)
48. Hooking up is cool, but have you ever matched with someone on a dating app and had them send a really good first message?
49. I always remember my reusable bags at the supermarket, which has to merit a response.
50. What's a nice person like you doing in a place like this?
51. Let's cut to the chase, do you share food on a first date?
52. You didn't 'Super Like' me, but it's OK, I'll take your number as an apology.
53. I'm not great at starting conversations, do you want to try?
54. How about I'll start this conversation, and you can start the next one?
55. Is our anniversary when we first matched or when we first messaged?
56. Aww, you're so considerate to let me start this conversation.
57. What's down? (It's 'What's up?' cooler cousin.)
58. How are we doing tonight? Have you dined with us before? Let me know if you have any questions about the menu.
59. Gosh! Stop messaging me! You're blowing up my inbox!
60. Do you normally go for people that are super good looking or super funny? Don't worry. I'm both.
